The moment one hears the word BPD, or Borderline Personality Disorder, the first thing that crosses their mind is emotional roller coaster, mood swings, and unstable relationships. And although BPD indeed exists among men and women, BPD among men remains invisible—or worse, misdiagnosed. It leads to confusion, frustration, and missing proper assistance.
In this article, we will discuss what BPD is like in men, how it differs from women, and what you can do if you or someone you know may be experiencing it.
What Is BPD?
Borderline Personality Disorder is a mental illness that affects the way one perceives himself or herself and others. It impacts emotional control, how one views oneself, behavior, and relationships with other people.
People with BPD are likely to:
- Fight to control their emotions
- Have unstable or intense relationships
- Feel an overwhelming fear of being abandoned
- Have impulsive or self-destructive behavior
All of these symptoms may be extremely distressing, but with the proper assistance, BPD can be cured.
How Common Is BPD In Men?
While studies estimate BPD in about 1.6% to 5.9% of the population, it is underdiagnosed in men. Why? Because BPD has long been associated with women, men exhibit their symptoms differently.
Instead of being emotionally dependent, men are likely to present themselves as:
- Angry or aggressive
- Drug-dependent
- Withdrawn or distant
- Hyper-reactive in relationships
Therefore, men’s BPD is likely to be confused with depression, bipolar disorder, PTSD, or antisocial behavior.
Why BPD In Men Often Goes Undiagnosed?
There are some reasons why BPD is harder to notice in men:
- Social conditioning
Men are socialized to maintain their emotions in check as children. Instead of patent worry or sadness, they may appear as anger, irritability, or risk-taking when their emotions get out of control.
- Misdiagnosis
Since BPD can take on the appearance of other disorders, especially bipolar disorder or drug abuse, doctors might treat symptoms rather than the disorder.
- Stigma
Mental illness stigma continues to hurt men disproportionately. The majority of them are afraid to be called “weak” if they talk about emotional problems and, therefore, do not say a word, and their symptoms are not treated.
Warning Signs And Symptoms Of BPD In Men
These are some of the most common symptoms of BPD in men. Not every man will get all of them, but if a few of them sound familiar, one can go for professional help:
- Excessive fear of abandonment
Minor separations or rejections result in intense anger or anxiety.
- Unstable relationships
Individuals with BPD swing between idealizing someone (putting someone on a pedestal) and devaluing someone (thinking that they are awful).
- Emotional instability
In a few minutes, they might shift from quiet to angry at a fairly minor provocation. Their mood swings are strong and rapid.
- Long-term empty feelings
They are “numb” or “empty,” even though everything looks good on the surface.
- Impulsive or destructive behavior
This can include speeding, drunkenness, drug abuse, gambling, or prostitution.
- Anger problems
Explosions or difficulty in controlling anger, even when it’s out of proportion to what’s occurring.
- Self-injury or suicidal ideation
Certain individuals will cut or even talk about suicidal ideation, typically in episodes of emotional crisis.
What Is It Like For Men To Have BPD?
The majority of men with BPD describe fighting an ongoing battle with themselves. They may crave love and intimacy, but close others out of fear. Relationships are violently intense and turbulent. Others label them as “too much” for others, broken, shameful, and misunderstood.
Treatment For BPD In Men
The good news is that Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) can be effectively treated. It won’t vanish into thin air tonight, but most men fully recover with treatment.
- Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT)
The gold standard of BPD therapy. It teaches emotion regulation, mindfulness, interpersonal effectiveness, and acceptance of discomfort.
- Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)
Helps to identify and change patterns of negative thoughts that influence behavior.
- Medication
There is no medication for BPD, but one can treat symptoms of depression, anxiety, or mood swings with medication.
- Group therapy
Talking with others who understand can be completely validating and healing.
- Lifestyle changes
Exercise, sleep, diet, and staying off drugs/alcohol have a huge impact on emotional stability.
If the individual you are close to is displaying signs of BPD, here is how you can help:
- Be patient – Mood swings are not your fault.
- Set boundaries – Consistency generates security.
- Provide Support For Therapy – Guide but don’t push—remedy should be his choice.
- Learn about BPD – The better you understand, the more tolerant and supportive you will be.
Put your interests foremost. Working with an individual who has BPD is exhausting; do not forget yours.
Final Thoughts
BPD is not fantasy, not simple to understand, and deeply human in men. Under the rage, puzzlement, or self-destructive behavior lies someone caught up in strong feelings and fear.
With treatment, understanding, and compassion, men with BPD can live healthy, successful lives and have healthier relationships.
If you or someone you know is suspected of suffering from BPD, don’t wait. Get help. There’s hope—and there can be healing.
